The good kind of Overwhellmed. :)


One YEAR ago {{today}} my bestest bud Amanda Leigh said this to me while i'm guessing i was coming over for the weekend. 


It makes me kind of sad that i don't feel overwhelmed by fun... mostly by 

fear. 
rejection. 
loss. 
loneliness. 

Worrying i'm not doing enough, or doing too much of the wrong things.

But, starting today, i'm really going to try to EMBRACE a new type of overwhelmed.

The fun kind. :)

I reccomend you try it with me!! :D
smiles to you dear friends,
Jenipher


Paralyzed... [happy Moody Monday!]


It's such a shame.

I'm taking this AMAZING blogging course by Holly from Decor8 and all i feel is paralyzed by blogging.  - that my blog isn't pretty enough, or smart enough, or inspiring enough.

It's very hindering; these feelings...  especially when i am CONSTANTLY inspired by everything i click online.

I have trouble being completely paralyzed by EVERYTHING i need to do in order to be a good blogger, a good business person, successful enough to survive, etc.

I have trouble figuring out what the right FIRST steps to take are in this social networking world are...

I don't actually consider myself a jealous person necessarily, but i always feel like I'm behind, and could never be 'as good' or as 'interesting' as other people. I truly am not trying to compare myself, but right now, i feel like there is so much to do to 'catch up' and that there is SO MUCH inspiration online, that i get distracted or want to do everything, which makes me lose sight of what makes me genuine.

What breaks my heart the most is knowing i've dealt with these emotions for SUCH a long time! Years! And the that it's been hindering my growth for years, seems so very heart wrenching...

Does anyone else feel these heavy feelings? I don't feel as though i am alone in this boat, but sometimes the boat swishes through the waves, and i don't hear any other voices.

It's quite daunting.
I hope you had a WONDERFUL weekend!

Jenipher

fear = excitment


Perfectionist;
Pronunciation: /pər-ˈfek-shə-ˌniz-əm/
: a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable
especially : the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness.

In essence...ME.

I am a HARDCORE perfectionist, which has hindered my life for over 20 years. In fact..the reason i haven't even written in this blog in SO long, along with not cooking, disliking my own business i spend hours creating, and hindering other areas of my life, relationships and physical body, are due to an unhealthy addiction of perfectionism.

It seems like a logical thing for many folk to just say "it doesn't have to be perfect" "it's great the way it is" "just DO it!" or "good enough". But...my brain has never understood this way of thinking.

Instead... I reject myself, countless times, regardless of how much support I'm given, because nothing. was EVER enough.

Perfect enough.

Pretty enough.

Creative enough.

Thin enough.

Smart enough.


After talking with a consular, and some INCREDIBLE people in my life [Hello friends IRL and from Dream Boogie!!!] I am FINALLY making the brilliantly large task of taking the steps to REALISE and microMOVE away from this fear of un-perfection and failure.


It scares me to write this; for fear has always been my security blanket...but life is not fun this way, and will not FLOURISH in the way[s] i have faith it will if i continue to wear my perfectionism [and in return FEAR] as my [pseudo super hero] cape.
A very wise women named SARK told me tonight that FEAR and EXCITEMENT come from the same part of the body. Enjoy the exhilaration of fearful excitement!

I challenge you to take a step in the same direction!!
Smiles to you,
Jenipher :)