My being.


Every being of my body wants to be okay.
To be healthy.
But knows i'm not.

Every being of my soul wants to body and mind to know it's okay.
It's okay i don't have it figured out.
It's okay that it's taking longer then expected.
Longer then expected to heal.
To be healthy.

Every being of my mind wishes it could just concentrate.
Keep on trucking.
Be motivated 'like before.'

But every being of my heart knows that i have to give it time.
Need to let my body heal inside out.
That i am very blessed to have friends, support, and doctors to help me.

The confidence will come as the healing continues.
The healing will continue as i give myself time.
Time to breathe.
Time to grow.
Time to turn into the person I'm supposed to be.

The person i've wanted to be all along.

Nightly Contemplations... are you an enemy?



Do you ever feel like two different people?
I do.

In general, i do feel our society dwells on the negative much more then the positive and it breaks my heart. I'm no different then anyone else.

In fact, if anything... i'm probably worse.

I'm very positive and optimistic for everyone else [most of the time]. But i'm so negative and hateful to myself, that there are days i honestly don’t even know how i get by.

It’s a constant battle, these two people inside me. One; the person i KNOW i really am, the person i want to be. The other; well, the other is the biggest “Debbie Downer” I can ever fathom. I am constantly and continually bewildered by how screwed up i am. And how my perception of myself is so skewed.

it's quite frustrating .... and more then that. it’s VERY VERY draining.

Do you ever feel this way about yourself? Are YOU, your own worst enemy at times?



My mom gave me a book to read while i was down visiting. It's helping her, which is a glorious thing. I'm reading it and find it INCREDIBLELY truthful and humorous. Maybe you will like it too. :)


Life is TOO beautiful. TOO precious. And WAY TO MUCH of a gift to consistently let it us down!! We all have to fight these negative demons away!!! It’s NOT easy, and infact VERY hard at times, but we WILL concur this.
TOGETHER.

I have faith in all of us!
I hope you do too.

Love, Smiles, Thanks, and Cookies to YOU beautiful lady!! [or gentleman!] ;)
Jenipher


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