fear = excitment

Pronunciation: /pər-ˈfek-shə-ˌniz-əm/
: a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable
especially : the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness.

In essence...ME.

I am a HARDCORE perfectionist, which has hindered my life for over 20 years. In fact..the reason i haven't even written in this blog in SO long, along with not cooking, disliking my own business i spend hours creating, and hindering other areas of my life, relationships and physical body, are due to an unhealthy addiction of perfectionism.

It seems like a logical thing for many folk to just say "it doesn't have to be perfect" "it's great the way it is" "just DO it!" or "good enough". But...my brain has never understood this way of thinking.

Instead... I reject myself, countless times, regardless of how much support I'm given, because nothing. was EVER enough.

Perfect enough.

Pretty enough.

Creative enough.

Thin enough.

Smart enough.

After talking with a consular, and some INCREDIBLE people in my life [Hello friends IRL and from Dream Boogie!!!] I am FINALLY making the brilliantly large task of taking the steps to REALISE and microMOVE away from this fear of un-perfection and failure.

It scares me to write this; for fear has always been my security blanket...but life is not fun this way, and will not FLOURISH in the way[s] i have faith it will if i continue to wear my perfectionism [and in return FEAR] as my [pseudo super hero] cape.
A very wise women named SARK told me tonight that FEAR and EXCITEMENT come from the same part of the body. Enjoy the exhilaration of fearful excitement!

I challenge you to take a step in the same direction!!
Smiles to you,
Jenipher :)